Santa Doesn't Need You......

(Santa Doesn't need Anybody!!!)

Yesterday I went shopping. Not like you mere mortals go shopping. My compatriots and I set out yesterday and Kicked.....Shopping's......ASS!!!!

I left home dull and early at 6 am. Went to Newport and picked up my niece, Karen, and headed to Enola to get Chrissy. We were on our way to the King of Prussia Mall about 7:30.

Our first stop was just down the street from Chrissy's to get coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. This is where I promply spilled half of my coffee in the console of my car. A mess to clean up, but now the car smells GREAT. Until this summer...

We headed down the turnpike and were at the mall by 8:45. We actually had to wait a few minutes for Crate and Barrel to open. Laying waste to that store, we headed across the street to the mall proper.

We used Sears as our anchor and pillaged the Plaza section of the Mall. After that we moved to the Court section of the mall. This is the first time I've ever made it to the court section, so that was kinda cool. Everything is pretty much a blur, so I'll give you the highlights.


The first few hours there was not a lot of buying done.

Be very careful of mall sushi.

The most difficult thing is finding a table in the food court.

Candles are crack for women.

Chrissy and I fought over buying two country cd's for my wife's aunt...neither of us wanted to.

Certain food court vendors REALLY like my niece.

Cartier is intimidating.

Illuminations is dark.

Babies function better in carriages when they can see mom and know everything is ok.

Karen likes to rock out with her chicken.

Call The Cheesecake Factory a year in advance for a reservation.

It costs 5 bucks to walk by Bang and Olufsen.

Urban Outfitters is my new favorite store.

....and much, much more.


I saw a perfect ass. An ass that should have had a choir singing when it was viewed. I told my niece..."Hey Karen, look at that girls ass!" She goes, "Oh Geez..." and looks. Then turns around and says, "She DOES have a pretty nice ass." The funny thing was, it was all lighting and the position she was standing in. She took a few steps away and I looked. It was still nice, but it wasn't nearly as perfect.

Finally, at 10:45.....yes friends, that's right.....almost a full FOURTEEN HOURS after we started, we headed for home. Take THAT, Shopping!!!

It was funny stopping on the turnpike. We were all walking like 80 year old women. I bought more coffee and didn't spill it.

So....the winner of the funniest xmas card was at Urban Outfitters. It was a picture with CHRISTMAS spelled out in ornaments across the top. Empty vodka bottles and glasses strewn about with a Santa laying face down drunk in the snow. Open the card and on the inside is the first two lines of this post.

Happy Hollandaise

cya